The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
