I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
