You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
