he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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