I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
