so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to calm my uterus...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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