I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
