wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
