Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
