i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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