did you get engaged???
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
