Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
