Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
