My nipple is on Facebook.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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