remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
