i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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