I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
