i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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