Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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