i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
