did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
