I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
