Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
