I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
