drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
