dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
