i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That accounts for only three of the penises
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
