you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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