6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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