I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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