a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
