You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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