he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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