So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
