My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
