I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
