Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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