I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
