Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
