Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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