the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
