Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
