i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
