Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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