Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
