Already got asked if we're dating
Just cropdusted the office
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
