Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
