I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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