I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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