I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
