the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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