I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
