every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
