i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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