I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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