I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
